when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
