Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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