Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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