I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
