I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
