You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
zippers are such a cool invention
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
