Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
