i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You smell like stripper and shame
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
