If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
