Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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