i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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