puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
