just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
