Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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