Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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