I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
