She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
