TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
