why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
