I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
