i used baking grease as lip gloss
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
