I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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