3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
