no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
