cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
