I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
