i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
