Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How's work?
Spinning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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