he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize