what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
