Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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