I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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