dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
