The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
