If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
