So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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