Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
