I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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