Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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