I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
