when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
