I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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