Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
