i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
