so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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