dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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