there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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