I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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