I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
