you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
