drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
