and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
