It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
