I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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