dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you will always have a special place in my vag
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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