I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize