The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
