So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
