omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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