Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize