got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it was like eating out sand paper
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
