I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Drunk is a universal language darling
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
