The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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