I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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