All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
