At least make sure they are 18
Why
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize